For a while I have been thinking I have needed a break from the Man.
Not because I don’t love him, because I do.
Because I don’t want to end up resenting him for the little things that pile up.
Because what he thinks we need and what we actually need are two very different things.
He thinks we need money and things.
I think we need time and love.
Obviously a balance.
Can’t pay bills with love.
But it is how you raise great children.
How you have great relationships.
And we haven’t spent any time together in so.fucking.long.
There is always things to do and people to see and more important shit.
Shit that seems more important.
But really, what is more important than people you love?
When I told him I wanted more, he asked “More what? What more can I give?”
I know he is doing everything he feels important.
I told him I didn’t remember the last time he did something nice for me (other than today when a birthday present that I had bitched about not getting turned up on my bed after he had to special order it in).
He just doesn’t see it my way.
He is not happy with his life right now – mostly his job. It doesn’t pay what it should and so he feels he can’t give us what we deserve.
I told him we deserve his time. His words, His love.
Spend time with us doing whatever.
After our talk he went and laid in bed.
Looking a little dejected.
So of course I straddled him.
Told him I was going to have a shower if he wanted to join me.
He asked how I expected that to work with a 4 year old and a 2 year old.
I gave them food, and there’s a lock on the door.
He joined me.
(Actually I joined him because he fed the kids again and I thought he wasn’t coming in)
I said it’s good, because it seems all we ever do now is in the bed, night time, lights off.
And it’s boring.
Not the sex, that’s amazing.
But the where and the when.
Hoping for a change.
Certain of a change.
Should be good.